Another deep breath… another medication to look up. Another hug with my kids, while they are angry that their body has betrayed them.

I’m so tired. So tired of telling them we will get through it. Telling them that yes this sucks, yes this is unfair, but you got this, I know you can do it.

I hear children are so resilient all the time. And they are, but sometimes they just don’t want to be. Sometimes, my kids want to swim without feeling nauseous and like they are going to faint. Sometimes, my kids want to play soccer or basketball without having to sit down so they don’t pass out again. Sometimes, my kids want to just feel normal…whatever normal actually looks like. They don’t want to always have a water bottle, salt packets and electrolytes, pulse ox in their bag.

I hate that I have to check with them before they leave, that they have everything they may end up needing. Why don’t they just get to leave?

It feels so desperately unfair.

I am that mom… the mom that has walked a mile in their shoes. I deal with chronic illness and health conditions too. Navigating my own health has been a long journey since I was 13. And now I am continuing with mine, and now both our young teens as well. The fatigue is real. So few genuinely understand. We are fortunate that we do have some that try to understand and are willing to learn about what we as a family go through on the daily.

Today is a day I just want to curl up in a corner with 5 fuzzy blankets, tea and read a book to disappear into another world. I can’t fix this for my kids. We just got back from one of their specialists and just like always its another thing to think over. Another thing to weigh the pros and cons.

So if you’re feeling like you want to tap out… I see you…I hear you. You’re not alone and its okay to feel very very done. But then wake up and do it all again.

You’re Seen.

The Honest Middle